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Friday, June 10, 2016

A Letter for Myself

I'm here,

After almost a year, I'm back here, decided to write myself a letter.
This is definitely the hardest post to compose, the most heavy hearted letter for myself.
It's been a long journey for me myself to stand here.
How should I start? Seems like lots of missing pieces & bits all over the place.
I wish I could start to gather back myself, find back the happy me.

Yes, my life changed. The end of 7 years relationship, 6 months marriage, never been an easy thing for me. I have keep all these to myself, not until I'm comfortable to share to the public.

For the past 7 years, we learnt and we grow. Who will thought that we will end up like now? Not saying it's a good thing, but definitely I'm learning. We come to an agreement that we accepting things doesn't work out, we both are struggling & we both are not happy. With the situation like this, we tried our very best to rescue, we tried everything we could do to make things work. I have no regret for that, it's just felt wasted.

At first, I blamed myself that I couldn't keep myself within this relationship, he blamed himself couldn't keep the girl he loved beside him. All I see is sadness, hurtful & darkness in our future, hence I decided to pull a stop.

It's the toughest decision I have ever made. It's a hurtful decision for both of us.

Things won't be smooth, lots of struggle & lots of tears. I couldn't say it's all worth it, but I do felt relief. It's like a big stone off from my shoulder, finally I can breath.

I'm not denying that I don't love him anymore, I still love him, I still care about him. But he is more like my family, that I wouldn't mind to have him for the rest of my life, as my mentor, as my listener, as a person my child will look up to. I will care for him, I will feel proud on his success & most important I wish him be happy.

For now, things are still very fresh, we cut off all our connection, so we both can be calm, we both can have cleared mind. But I believe, one day in future, we can talk like friend, like family, I wish.

I do appreciate respect from family & friends, give us some time, we definitely need time to recover. Try not to ask so much on what happen, why or how, as for myself, I have no idea on what happen or how either. Bare with us, or me.


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