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Sunday, June 1, 2014

I'm Back & Stay!

Hi all, I’m back to this space, my very own space. It’s been a while since my last blog post, because you know why? Sometime things just changed, the pure feeling of writing in this space changes too. Me myself doubt, doubt that isn’t this is what I’ve searching for after all? So, I stop! I told myself that I’ll be back one day when I find myself again. After all, stop doesn’t mean I give up, it is just a rest.

I spent a few days to writing down all these, sounds like some emo bitch huh? But no, I’m not, instead, I’m quite happy for the current status of my life, I choose to quit the previous job, spend almost a month at home doing nothing. Some say I’m quite stupid, “why want to quit such a great & high pay job? Why not quit until you found another job?” Even my parents have doubt on my decision. At first, I’m shaken, I’m lost indeed. I choose to cry every day at night doubting myself “isn’t all this is the right decision?” Keep on repeat, repeat and repeat. By the time, I know there is no one in this world understands my heart more than me myself, even my boyfriend. But just, sometimes people tend to stuck in the ass hole and all they can see is the dark sky. That is what I experienced. Sigh…

One day, after all the crying AGAIN, a thought like a light bulb pops! I wonder why I have to care about others opinion when it’s my own life. Why I doubt myself when I felt there is where my heart wants to goes to? I want my life to be happy, but not suffer, not crying and realizing problem is still unsolved. Fuck that stupid common sense, so I TENDERRED!

It’s like a big stone dropped and my heart feels like flying all over again. I always felt very grateful that I was born in a financial stable family so I had no worry on money problem, I can do whatever I want actually. But I’m not a bitch tho, I still felt I have certain responsibility to my parents, so I give myself a time frame, after that, I can’t be such stubborn bitch anymore.

I take my own sweet time, lying on bed, starring at the blue sky, enjoy the time with my dog, spend lots of time chit chatting with my boyfriend and of course read lots of books. All these are what I dreamt to do but I don’t have the time to accomplish after all these years. My boyfriend and I, we talked a lot, we understand what we want for our future, *I know it’s too soon to talk all these but we do it when we just feel like to. we found our similarity thoughts towards our future. He wishes to have a landed house, buy another dog to accompany Fluffy, the house must be landed because doggie can run around, have a nice kitchen, able to cook everyday for each other *we likes to cook a lot. , own a high pay job and a great car. Indeed, these are yet a simplest dream for everyone but also the hardest to make it comes true. However, we believe ourselves, we know we can. And I personally felt this is the turning point in my life, where I truly felt I’ve grown up, I start to worry about lots of things that I’m not use to think when I’m little.

This is a long blog post, sorry if I bored you all. Just that I felt I had the responsibility to write down everything here when maybe there are some loyalty readers here? Perhaps?

So what I’ve been up to recently? Of course, I’m done with all the doubts; I found another great job, started working and so far so good. It’s a big company, colleague all are great, benefits are awesome and I felt right here. *my boss must be very happy to see this. Hah. But, sometimes I do think back, why am I having all those negative energy on a person that doesn’t worth all my attention? Haters gonna hate, bitches are forever bitches, so whatever. I proved that I can have better life without them interrupting is more than enough for me. *so generous huh? #justsaying

So yes, I’m done with this post, these summaries what had happen after all the missing-in-action. Hope that you all do miss me a little, and I’m happy to tell u all, I’m back. Back to this space, back to my happy life. 

Loves Genie xx

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